There it is the path,
It is seen so clearly now,
The first steps are hard...
There is a gap a place of rest between each breath, and it is here that it starts, the opportunity for me to slow down, to notice the noise in my head and the tension that is carried in my body... and so I step into this gap, this place of rest where there is no requirement for action, no need to do anything... this is where I can notice what is happening, where the resistance to something can be more easily seen, and so it is here that I look most closely for what is arising, it is here that I find the edges of what is comfortable and what is not, of what has been allowed over time and what has been forbidden... as I study my freedom simply to be in this sacred space between the breath I begin to learn to love without fear... namaste
As I sit and begin to settle, my mind becomes more engaged, story to story it begins to jump almost frantic to avoid something asking to be seen inside... returning again and again to my breath, bit by bit things slow, and glimpses of what is feared are seen, the places inside that scare so often contain great treasures in crusty old chests of memory, and so one breath at a time I dig toward this chest, and some day this treasure will be revealed... namaste
Within, a split resides, compassion and love occupy a large place, the desire to work with the flow of life, the part of me that is helpful, it is all right there... but just a short distance away, on the other side lies anger, it is not allowed to be a part of what is happening, like the bad child it is in the corner while the party continues for everyone else, he is mad at the injustice of it all, ruminating, biding his time for a moment of fatigue or carelessness, and in those moments he is swift and sharp as he steps forward and launches out of my mouth, through my actions, alive in my expressions... and so there in lies the bind, how then do I learn to love this part of who I am, love him so much he feels at home within me... that is my work... namaste
Those thoughts arise again, the memories I am least proud of, they have stopped by for another visit, an opportunity to study them more closely... and what is it they want? what brings them back again and again? the pain of their visit is not as sharp today, it has not been so long since they were last here, but the ‘why’ that drives them still seems elusive... and so I settle into my breath, I settle into the inner world inside and ask them what they need... forgiveness... that feeling rises through me, and a small child inside looks for an adult to tell him it was ok, that he is not a bad person... but the only adult here is me... and so I settle into that place where I can love what arises and turn my attention to these memories, to him, and knowing what he needs, I will take the time required and give the love that was missing, and forgive them all so they can become part of who I am instead of simply visitors... namaste
The cushion is cold this morning, the window was open just a bit overnight and the cold air spilled in, chilling all that it touched... wool blankets are handy to help with this affair, the small cat also does her part snuggling close offering warmth for my lap... the sound of the wind in the trees can be heard even through the now closed window, creaking and groaning in the wind the old house adds comments to the arrival of this cold... and as I turn toward my breath, gratitude for the blankets, the cat, these windows and walls rises in my heart, and love for this moment in time is present as well... namaste
The sounds of a house asleep, the old clocks tick tock, chiming the top and bottom of the hours, the odd creaks of old wood in the night, the sound of the cat claws on the wood floors, the dog snoring loudly, occasionally through the open window the sounds of the horses shifting round in the barn, and the lone car out of the distant road... my breath adds to these sounds, slow and quiet as I sit and listen, noticing the stiffness here and there that was not present some years ago, the snap and creak of the knees as I settle down to sit, the gurgle of my stomach, like this old house I too am noisy in this night... namaste
Little conversations erupt in my mind, they come and go, some replaying events, others anticipating the future, and some that seem to have no source at all... and so I return my focus to my breath, again and again, anchoring my attention if only for a moment to what is happening right now... some days it is easier, some days it is harder, but it is always there, this opportunity to simply notice the present moment, regardless of the difficulty or ease, simply noticing what is here and then turning again to my breath, that is how it is right now... namaste
The importance of speaking to the heart...
The air is still this morning, the water in the bay is a reflecting glass, the trees on the shore upside down on its surface, the clouds visible across this glassy calm... as I sit and breathe, this depth of peace sinks into my being, this simple sight of a world at rest brings me to that place where in my breath I may rest as well... namaste